Miami - Part 3 (Bang Bus)/Script
''Opening Sequence'' :Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. :Amir: Aloha! :Jake: That's Hawaii. :Amir: No. Is it? Episode :(Sam and Amir are trying to hitchhike, Sam sticking his middle finger at passing cars) :Sam: I don't get why nobody's pulling over, I've been doing this for an hour. :Amir: Use a different finger. :(Sam puts up his other middle finger) :Amir: That'll do it. :Sam: Hey! Hey! :Amir: Okay. :Sam: It's working! :Amir: Okay. Higher! :Sam: It's working! :Amir: Higher! Higher! :Sam: Hey! :(A van pulls over; the man in the passenger seat has a camera) :Cameraman: Hey what's up guys? :Sam: Hey man. :Cameraman: You guys need a ride? :Sam: Yeah, we're going to see Jake Hurwitz. :Cameraman: Oh that's perfect, we're actually heading in that direction. :Sam: Awesome. :Amir: That's great. :Sam: That's great. :Cameraman: Let's roll, come on! :(Sam and Amir get in the van) :Cameraman: Come on in, fellas. :Amir: Sup! :Sam: You guys got wall-to-wall carpet in your van! :Cameraman: Oh, isn't it great? :Sophia: Hi, guys! :Amir: Crazay. (The van starts to move and Amir almost loses his balance) Oh, hey, he's moving... :(Sam and Amir sit in the back, next to Sophia) :Sophia: Hi, I'm Sophia! :Sam: Hey Sophia, how's it going? :Sophia: Good! :Amir: Oh, this is like a... :Sophia: (Climbing on top of Sam and kissing him) Oo, I like you. :Amir: This is, like, other people are going to see Jake? Er... :Sam: Oh my god. I like you too. :Camerman: Be a little careful, she's a bit crazy. :Amir: Sam, stay in the game. :(Sophia climbs on Amir next) :Amir: Oh! Hi. I don't care. :Sophia: Hi! :Sam: I don't care. :Cameraman: But she's nice! You don't have to be shy. :Amir: No, no! I'm a—okay... Sam, what's still— :Sam: Hey Amir, can I talk to you on the other side of the van for a second? :Amir: Uh, sure. (To Sophia) We'll be back, I think. :(Sam and Amir go towards the front of the van) :Sam: Hey man, I think I really have a chance with this girl, and I'd appreciate it if you'd back the fuck off. :Amir: What are you talking—you just can't stand that for once in your life some girl loves me more than she loves you! :Sam: It's just so rare that I have so much in common with somebody right away. :Amir: So much in—what do you have in common with her? :Sam: We both think I'm cute! :(Sophia is about to have sex with another man in the back) :Amir: First of all, I'm sorry comprende but, you are not her type. :Sam: What do you mean I'm not her type?! :Amir: Okay, first of all, look at the guy she's with right now, right? :Sam: Yeah. :Amir: He looks like moi. :Sam: Okay he does not. He looks much more like moi than yoi. :Amir: No, look at his dick! :Sam: I am looking at his dick! ---- :(Jake is still walking and on the phone) :Jake: Hey, Jamie! What's up? Yeah, um, I'm in Miami for work. So I have, like, meetings now, but maybe we could, uh, hang out after. Okay, um—no, now is fine! Now is good. Those meetings just aren't happening anymore. ---- :(Back to Sam and Amir) :Amir: (Looking out the window) That looks like Jake! :Sam: That looks nothing like Jake's dick, Jake's dick doesn't have nearly that— :Amir: No, that looks like Jake! :(Sam looks out the window) :Sam: Oh my god that's Jake! :Amir: That is Jake! :Sam: Jake! Pull over! :Amir: Jake! Pull over! :Jake: I'm on 17th and Collins. :(The van pulls up to Jake) :Amir: Jake. :Jake: Oh my god. Hey psychos. What are you doing here? :Amir: Oh nothing much, psycho, just coming to rescue you. :Sam: Yeah psycho. :Jake: That's not a pet name. :Amir: Yeah Sam, butt out. :Sam: I wanna be a psycho. :Jake: How the hell did you guys get here, and what is this—you guys are in the Bang Bus. :Amir: What's a bang bus? :Jake: It's a porn site. They get strangers to fuck in a van. :Sam: No, there are no pornstars here. Just an awesome girl competing over mine and Amir's affection. :Jake: Is she fucking somebody? :Amir: Is she preparing for us? Yes. :Sam: (To Sophia) You know there's such a thing as overpreparing! :Jake: (To Jamie) Hey, I'm sorry. Um, what was that address again? I think I just found a ride.